Having a Bad Day

[tamsalter]

I thought I would start a thread where we could post the weird and wonderful things that happen in life. If you see any interesting snippets of light hearted news anywhere, then this will be the place to post it.

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on; Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

[tamsalter]

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, 2 of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

[tamsalter]

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

[tamsalter]

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany. Suddenly, all 2000 pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

[tamsalter]

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits

[Dyka]

You made me sad. =(

[Blackfox]

Originally Posted by tamsalter

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward ...

They should make him a full-time sweeper since he's so punctual.

[fylth]

Originally Posted by blackfox

They should make him a full-time sweeper since he's so punctual.

Actually, he should be given the post of a euthanasiast or whatever these people who performs euthanasia although the methods this particular part-time cleaner employs isn't neccessarily/guaranteed to be painless.

[OldiesLover]

My having a bad day story is a two-part story, and 100% true because it happened to my younger brother.

Part One is sorta my fault. As kids, my younger brother and I never got along. I always found him a lil pain-in-the-ass (You'll understand this more in a moment.) and didn't want him around, which of course, since he could never get enough attention with his clowning around, he always wanted to be around.

Hence, my parents put us in two different bedrooms and told him to stay outa my room. This worked Ok until one day as I was in my room doing something, he ran into my room and jumped up on my back with his arms around my throat.

I quickly reached down and grabbed his legs into piggy-back position and figured I would run backwards and slam him into the wall. What I had forgotten about was my closet door, halfway open.

As we crashed into the door, it closed shut. When we hit... I let go of his legs and he released his grip from the impact. Immediately, he slid down the door right on top of the doorknob, which of course, went right up his butthole.

Yes, he was impaled up his ass with my closet doorknob... a glorious sight. Unfortunately, I had to have mercy on him once his blood started gettin' all over my floor.

After he got home from the hospital with over 50 stitches up his ass... I got my punishment. But it was worth it.

Part Two... he did this to himself. Years later, he was working as a carpet installer in a house being remodeled. One morning bright and early, he carried a large cup of coffee into the house and decided to take a big dump before startin' work... in a bathroom in the process of bein' cleaned. What he didn't know was that the toilet bowl was full of pure acid while tryin' to get rid of stains.

Just as he made his dump, the acid splashed right up his asshole... big time.

His coffee flew everywhere as he ripped the bathroom door off its hingles. With him yelling in pain, it took a while for the 6 or 7 workers to figure out exactly what had happened. Once they did, they decided to take him out on the front lawn (In front of all sorts of traffic driving by) and give him an enema with a garden hose.

It took two weeks before he could walk and six months before he could take a dump without severe pain in his asshole.

Yes, he has had a couple really bad days in his life.

[tamsalter]

Originally Posted by OldiesLover

My having a bad day story is a two-part story, and 100% true because it happened to my younger brother.

Part One is sorta my fault. As kids, my younger brother and I never got along. I always found him a lil pain-in-the-ass (You'll understand this more in a moment.) and didn't want him around, which of course, since he could never get enough attention with his clowning around, he always wanted to be around.

Hence, my parents put us in two different bedrooms and told him to stay outa my room. This worked Ok until one day as I was in my room doing something, he ran into my room and jumped up on my back with his arms around my throat.

I quickly reached down and grabbed his legs into piggy-back position and figured I would run backwards and slam him into the wall. What I had forgotten about was my closet door, halfway open.

As we crashed into the door, it closed shut. When we hit... I let go of his legs and he released his grip from the impact. Immediately, he slid down the door right on top of the doorknob, which of course, went right up his butthole.

Yes, he was impaled up his ass with my closet doorknob... a glorious sight. Unfortunately, I had to have mercy on him once his blood started gettin' all over my floor.

After he got home from the hospital with over 50 stitches up his ass... I got my punishment. But it was worth it.

Part Two... he did this to himself. Years later, he was working as a carpet installer in a house being remodeled. One morning bright and early, he carried a large cup of coffee into the house and decided to take a big dump before startin' work... in a bathroom in the process of bein' cleaned. What he didn't know was that the toilet bowl was full of pure acid while tryin' to get rid of stains.

Just as he made his dump, the acid splashed right up his asshole... big time.

His coffee flew everywhere as he ripped the bathroom door off its hingles. With him yelling in pain, it took a while for the 6 or 7 workers to figure out exactly what had happened. Once they did, they decided to take him out on the front lawn (In front of all sorts of traffic driving by) and give him an enema with a garden hose.

It took two weeks before he could walk and six months before he could take a dump without severe pain in his asshole.

Yes, he has had a couple really bad days in his life.

I can see why he is alway's a pain in the ass. Pure brilliance that Oldies